tensions with wife girlfriend during construction

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Re: tensions with wife girlfriend during constructiony

Postby jazzman » Tue Oct 22, 2013 12:10 pm

One of the problems is that Thai wives/girlfriends get illusions of grandeur being the partner of a farang. They start getting bossy with the workers like we farangs do which is generally out of character for Thai people, and this scares the workers away. I've lost three labour teams this way over the years. (not my wife, but speaking from the point of view as a contractor).
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Re: tensions with wife girlfriend during construction

Postby MGV12 » Wed Oct 23, 2013 5:15 pm

You are receiving some good advice and support here jack ... worthy of an update?

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Re: tensions with wife girlfriend during construction

Postby jack9 » Thu Oct 24, 2013 9:05 pm

I have been reading quietly everyday and thinking if and how to reply.
These few days have been relatively calm after the confrontation. There is 1 button that cannot be pressed, or all hell breaks loose. No reasoning, no discussion, either accept or break.
Come to this, how is the relationship with your wife and/or girlfriend? Is there something they do which bothers you so much but you cannot compromise on? Watching thai tv drama is not what I’m talking about. Maybe hanging out with people who talk beautifully and put themselves on the moral high ground but you can see through the deception from their tone of voice and size of ego?
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Re: tensions with wife girlfriend during construction

Postby BKKBILL » Fri Oct 25, 2013 9:10 am

I’m thinking if there is a no compromise line set the relationship is either doomed or the line gets crossed again and again making I’m sure a difficult decision moot, then what, redraw the line or leave.

Thai women are notorious for cutting you to the bone then later asking if anything is wrong and would you like a nice cold drink. Now building a house with you relying on them to communicate to Thai builders with all the face saving, plus, plus can at times be like throwing gasoline on a fire.

Sometimes it’s best to walk away calm down and think it through. Drawing lines can be a dangerous thing, trying to prove your point in the heat of the moment even more so. Compromising is not always a bad thing but being inflexible sure can be.

So how long have you been in this relationship?
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Re: tensions with wife girlfriend during construction

Postby MGV12 » Fri Oct 25, 2013 10:08 am

jack9 wrote:I have been reading quietly everyday and thinking if and how to reply.
These few days have been relatively calm after the confrontation. There is 1 button that cannot be pressed, or all hell breaks loose. No reasoning, no discussion, either accept or break.
Come to this, how is the relationship with your wife and/or girlfriend? Is there something they do which bothers you so much but you cannot compromise on? Watching thai tv drama is not what I’m talking about. Maybe hanging out with people who talk beautifully and put themselves on the moral high ground but you can see through the deception from their tone of voice and size of ego?


I have never known a relationship in any culture where there is total and complete harmony ... compromise/understanding/adjustment are essential to longevity whatever your heart of 'second brain :wink: ' tells you. Women and men are incompatible in so many ways but the only option for most of us. Whether you have a 'piece of paper' or simply an 'understanding' there is no doubt that a 'relationship' usually requires full immersion to make it work for the longer term and if the not-so-good aspects outweigh the good aspects by a sufficient margin it sure is unlikely to last. Thai culture and Thai 'culture' [the actual and the perceived or inferred] are so very different to that which most of us from the 'West' have experienced and certainly do take some adjusting to. It can take a very long time to earn the trust of a Thai lady and you may never overcome the "your money is our money and my money is my money" aspect ... nor in many situations the 'obligations' to family and extended 'family'. I am fortunate in having an adopted family who are self-sufficient and are proud to be so ... I have made loans but they have always been repaid in full and as promised. For many Farang it's a very different story and it may take some time before they realise that a 'loan' is actually a 'gift'. In the other direction: We have a very good local Thai friend who is always 'gifting' us plants from her garden ... it took me a little while to understand that we were to take them [whether we wanted them or not] and pay her for them later; as she needed the money for essential living expenses; this lovely lady is richer than I will ever be with the land she owns but will not sell until the 'price is right'. If a relationship is fragile it is very unlikely to survive building a house in LOS ... unscathed ... or indeed at all. Those who embark on a project with a girlfriend and who achieve a good result in both building and continued relationship are either very lucky or an honours student in picking the right lady; lay odds it bites you in the butt later! Thai ladies are generally loving and sincere ... they will usually try their hardest to do their best for you ... however they are often strongly influenced by other 'obligations' [as they see it] and so their best may often not be the best you were hoping for. Chok dee

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Re: tensions with wife girlfriend during construction

Postby olavhome » Sat Oct 26, 2013 12:43 am

Hear,hear :wink:
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