tensions with wife girlfriend during construction

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tensions with wife girlfriend during construction

Postby jack9 » Sat Oct 19, 2013 9:03 pm

currently experiencing problems with wife due to construction delays and cost overruns, funds running low.

many sets of chang come and go. seems like the house may not be finished. possible will breakup soon. hope it doesnt turn nasty

come to thailand to have a better life but seems like it's not possible. how wrong am i to think that building a house would make her happy.

feeling lonely and depressed so come in to let off some steam
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Re: tensions with wife girlfriend during construction

Postby Mike Judd » Sun Oct 20, 2013 4:56 am

All I can say from my experience, and I am sure most others, is women are a different breed to us men. It's no use trying to understand them, that's an exercise in futility and Thai women for all their many positives seem to have an extra "Mood" to western women that's totally out of the box so to speak. You have no idea what you might have done to bring it on and you are wasting your time asking, just carry on as normal or even just disappear for a while. I found that usually does the trick with them reverting to "Normal" as if nothing had happened . It might even be the Asian version of women's "Monthly" ? My Thai partner of 12 yrs used to be like that at times but seems to have grown out it the last few years thankfully." Hang in there" Mate ! having got as far as you have.
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Re: tensions with wife girlfriend during construction

Postby thailazer » Sun Oct 20, 2013 6:43 am

Building a house here could bring any relationship to its knees! We were pretty lucky in our build as things went fairly well, and both the wife and I are patient people. Had things gone wrong on the build it could have been a much different story. Knowing what I know now, I don't think I would recommend building to anyone unless it is a big life goal. There are too many things that could go wrong, all of them stressful. Sorry to hear about the issues Jack and I hope things work out there.
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Re: tensions with wife girlfriend during construction

Postby jack9 » Sun Oct 20, 2013 11:23 am

thank you Mike and Thailazer for your kind words and encouragement
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Re: tensions with wife girlfriend during construction

Postby MGV12 » Sun Oct 20, 2013 12:41 pm

Jack ... your header states "wife girlfriend" ... which it is can make a big difference in how you both cope with building a house here.

Both short term relationship and long term relationship can be strained ... however ... a long term committed relationship has more chance of surviving the process.

Try to disassociate your personal relationship from the 'working' relationship as much as you can ... your partner probably feels herself to be under considerable pressure to get the best result for you. If you do not speak Thai and have no previous experience [especially in LOS] of house building you would be expecting a minor miracle if you think this wife/girlfriend could fill in the gaps for you. How good is her English? Does she have any previous experience of building a house? Essentially ... does she understand the technical terms needed to convey exactly what you want to the builder? Is there in fact a 'builder/contractor' or are you trying to manage this build by employing direct 'chang' labour. You say "many sets of chang come and go" ... why is that? Are you blaming her for this turnover or the changs? Are you monitoring the build yourself and on site every day? Et al ....................

Sympathies for your stress but welcome to the real world of building your dream house [or whatever] in Thailand. :)

Chok dee

“Some days I am an optimistic pessimist ... other days I am a pessimistic optimist”
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Re: tensions with wife girlfriend during construction

Postby olavhome » Sun Oct 20, 2013 4:24 pm

Chance of misunderstandings during contruction are obvious. You , as falang builder has one picture inside your head of how you like it to be, your girlfriend who maybe never have lived in a falang house before tries see this picture and put it on to the builder who is in same situation---not easy even if all parts tries to do the best :?
Also easy for her to feel like "losing face" if you show anger and disappointment, feeling that you blame her for the "problems".
Not even to mention if it is "family" thats doing the job, or workers recommended by family etc etc :evil:
Or she may feel theat you are critical to "Thailand", a country "best in the world" :twisted:

Maybe can help if you take time telling her that "you feel she very helpful to you, know she do her best, etc" :idea:
And of course, if you also buy her a ring or neckless, that will absolutely do the trick :wink: :wink:
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Re: tensions with wife girlfriend during construction

Postby sirineou » Sun Oct 20, 2013 6:19 pm

olavhome wrote:Chance of misunderstandings during contruction are obvious. You , as falang builder has one picture inside your head of how you like it to be, your girlfriend who maybe never have lived in a falang house before tries see this picture and put it on to the builder who is in same situation---not easy even if all parts tries to do the best :?
Also easy for her to feel like "losing face" if you show anger and disappointment, feeling that you blame her for the "problems".
Not even to mention if it is "family" thats doing the job, or workers recommended by family etc etc :evil:
Or she may feel theat you are critical to "Thailand", a country "best in the world" :twisted:

Maybe can help if you take time telling her that "you feel she very helpful to you, know she do her best, etc" :idea:
And of course, if you also buy her a ring or neckless, that will absolutely do the trick :wink: :wink:

I wish this forum had a "Like" button , Olavhome has fit the nail on the head on his reply, I could not agree more.
To the OP, remember why you are building this house!!!
aside from it's utilitarian purpose, it's purpose is also to facilitate and strengthen your relationship with your significant other.
Dont let it have the opposite affect , material things come and go, in the end,, when all is said and done, the only thing that remains are the relationships we had with each other.
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Re: tensions with wife girlfriend during construction

Postby Ians » Sun Oct 20, 2013 7:19 pm

Building a house in Thailand is not easy, especially if you don't speak Thai and you need to talk to the builder thru your wife/partner/girl friend. You need to keep your cool under all circumstances, if it's not working right at the moment walk away for a bit or change the subject - try not to put anyone in a face losing situation. If it's not working out with the builder despite many discussions / fix ups / directives it might be time to sit down with him and thrash out the problems hinting that if you can't come to some sort of agreement re how you want it done / when / on time etc you will need to go your separate ways. You need to bear in mind Thai building methods and perceived outcome are a lot different to western standards and you need to be well aware of the fact. I know from first hand experience that some things I wanted done were so different from Thai methods the builder had a lot of trouble coming to terms with them however, I was lucky in way, the builder I used was very experienced and a qualified engineer who was prepared to listen and learn as he said on a number of occasions that looks like a good idea and I now know that a few things I incorporated into my build he is now using on other projects he has underway. The other thing you need to look at is compromise, a few points I had to concede mainly due to the fact that to insist that it was done my way may well have resulted in bigger problems as it was too far out of their scope to accomplish - again, luckily the few things I compromised on at the end of the day are / were acceptable and looking back now I can see that maybe I would have been unreasonable to keep insisting.
Stop and think to yourself every now and then, what am I trying to achieve, a nice comfortable house that should last for many many years without any major drama's, on time and within budget, not a project which will give me ulcers, high blood pressure or put your relationship at risk.

So sit back, smell the flowers or the coffee, be reasonable with the demands, however, insist on it being done to the best of the ability of the builder within a tolerable and acceptable margin (your expectations) and sleep easy at night.
Good luck.
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Re: tensions with wife girlfriend during construction

Postby BKKBILL » Sun Oct 20, 2013 7:47 pm

We have had some good and practical comments on this topic, most are to the point and correct from the male prospective, do be aware we are dealing as Mike alluded to one of these
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Re: tensions with wife girlfriend during construction

Postby Roger Ramjet » Sun Oct 20, 2013 8:22 pm

Jacob was a devout christian for over 50 years, when one day god came to him and said. "Jacob, you have been like no other follower to me over the last 50 years, you have stood by me thick and thin and I am proud of you. To show you my gratitude I will grant you one wish".
Jacob thought about this for a while and then said. "God, I live in California, but my mother lives in Hawaii and she is about to pass away, I would like to visit with her just once more, however you know I cannot travel on an aircraft because of fear, so what I am asking you to do is build a two lane causeway from here to Hawaii so I can drive across".
God pondered this for a while then said. "Jacob have you any idea of this engineering marvel you ask of me? The tons and tons of rebar and concrete involved in constructing this causeway, let alone making it safe for travel in all weathers. Jacob this is too hard a task even for me. I'm sorry, please make another wish, anything at all and I will complete it".
Jacob thought carefully for an hour and then said. "God how do women think"?
God replied, "Now about that 4 lane highway over to Hawaii, I think it should be ready in a few days".
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Re: tensions with wife girlfriend during construction

Postby sirineou » Sun Oct 20, 2013 8:45 pm

I grew up with three sisters , a mother, and later in life a wife and a daughter, in all of these I learned that I don't need to understand them, it would be nice if I did, but I don't need to understand them, I just need to keep them happy. I am not talking about total emasculation,I am talking about a happy medium.
I can live with a "not up to my standards" home but I cant live with an unhappy wife.
Have you tried to make love to a perfectly build home? not a good thing, the splinters are murder :lol:
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Re: tensions with wife girlfriend during construction

Postby MGV12 » Mon Oct 21, 2013 10:18 am

BKKBILL wrote:We have had some good and practical comments on this topic, most are to the point and correct from the male prospective


Nothing wrong with the male perspective of course!


“Some days I am an optimistic pessimist ... other days I am a pessimistic optimist”
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Re: tensions with wife girlfriend during construction

Postby Sunpax » Mon Oct 21, 2013 10:40 am

Not so difficult to understand us ;)

I am a woman i am a builder i am a farang i am...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAjNVKtQHAY
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Re: tensions with wife girlfriend during construction

Postby Sunpax » Mon Oct 21, 2013 8:48 pm

just a joke ..not every words true...for each of woman :) :lol:

just want to precise for those who cannot understand my humor and ect..loll
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Re: tensions with wife girlfriend during construction

Postby olavhome » Tue Oct 22, 2013 4:08 am

I know, not easy be a woman, but you really got 10 points with me now with that song :D
One of my favorite lady "sing songs", but of course, a little bit still left up to original Tina Turner "river deep-montain high" from the mid-sixties, mastered by Mr Spector.
She really tells how to behave for a lady :wink: :wink:
If she knew how to use a hammer also.... but then guess Ike would have been dead many years ago :twisted:
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