Comedy Greats

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Re: Comedy Greats

Postby Mike Judd » Wed Jan 22, 2014 11:30 am

Aussie Advert,? Christ ! am I that confusing ?
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Re: Comedy Greats

Postby MGV12 » Wed Jan 22, 2014 12:35 pm

Mike Judd wrote:Aussie Advert,? Christ ! am I that confusing ?


Don't worry Mike there are only three of them on your case currently .... I'm sure they need a quorum of at least four to have you put away :lol:

Maybe you're being affected by those crazy folk over on the west side :shock:

Sydney-shootings.jpg


Sorry it's not up to date ... maybe things have improved :lol:
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Re: Comedy Greats

Postby Mike Judd » Wed Jan 22, 2014 12:38 pm

Racist but funny.!





So anyway, I'm behind this prick who can't fucking drive. Weaving all over the place and hasn't got a fucking clue.
I'm roaring, "You fucking Paki bastard, learn to drive!! And while you're at it, why don't you Fuck off back to your own country, you smelly prick.. You know what the cheeky bastard did? He stopped and said, "Get out of my taxi!" :lol: :lol: :lol:







Description: cid:part2.07030708.07030703@bigpond.com :lol: :lol:
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Re: Comedy Greats

Postby fredlk » Wed Jan 22, 2014 1:25 pm

For the racists:

Little Johnny came home from school one day slightly confused.
His mother was Jewish and his father was black. So Johnny says,
"Mum, am I more Jewish or more black?"
"What does it really matter? You'll just have to ask your father",
his mother tells him.
So Johnny's father gets home from work and Johnny asks the same question,
"Dad, am I more Jewish or more black?"
"What kind of a question is that, does it really matter? Why do you want
to know if you're more Jewish of black?" asks his dad.
"Well, it's like this dad. Tommy down the street wants to sell his bicycle
for $50, I don't know whether to talk him down to $25, or wait till its dark
and steel the fucking thing!"
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Re: Comedy Greats

Postby Mike Judd » Wed Jan 22, 2014 1:41 pm

Nothing like a good laugh, what ever the subject, but I must be out of touch because I can't find any of that J Jefferies video funny.! At least Billy Connery was funny with his vulgarity way back in the 80's was it.?
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Re: Comedy Greats

Postby fredlk » Wed Jan 22, 2014 1:52 pm

Mike Judd wrote:At least Billy Connery was funny with his vulgarity way back in the 80's was it.?

No, 70's, 80's, 90's, 00's, 10's, today: http://www.billyconnolly.com.
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Re: Comedy Greats

Postby MGV12 » Wed Jan 22, 2014 1:54 pm

Mike Judd wrote:Nothing like a good laugh, what ever the subject, but I must be out of touch because I can't find any of that J Jefferies video funny.! At least Billy Connery was funny with his vulgarity way back in the 80's was it.?


If you are looking for vulgarity try Derek and Clive!

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Re: Comedy Greats

Postby fredlk » Wed Jan 22, 2014 2:28 pm

zzzBillyConnollyMeme_large.jpg

zzzBillyConnollyMeme2_large.jpg

Some Billy Connolly Stand Up Jokes:

"If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?"
"My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo."
"So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?"
"Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on."
"What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out. What do they expect to find?"
"American sex shops are the most bizarre. They sell these inflatable dolls, but they also sell just the head -- supposedly for people to drive along the highway with."
"Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he THINK he was doing at the time?"
"That man (Ronald Reagan), he sits at that desk in the White House, and the button is there that can end the world: BOOM! My father's younger than him and we don't give him the controls for the television!"
"The religion in Scotland is one of the most patronising things... after the weather."
"No children were abused in the making of this show. No one was hurt and no Islamic cartoons were used. You know, for those of you that can't take a fucking joke."
"53 fucking virgins! The very thought of 53 fucking virgins, it's a nightmare! It's not a fucking present, it's not a prize- it's a punishment! Give me 2 fire-breathing whores any day of the week. I'm a slut man!"
"I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There's no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing, so get yourself a sexy raincoat and live a little. "
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Re: Comedy Greats

Postby Mike Judd » Wed Jan 22, 2014 2:49 pm

MGV12 No things haven't improved out West , unless the fact that they seem to be shooting each other a bit more than bystanders is an improvement ? It's so strange that it doesn't seem to happen over here on the North Shore :?: :? They only come over to the beaches for a swim so they probably leave their guns behind. Plus the predominately decent inhabitants here of all nationalities (We do have some bad apples) just wouldn't allow it. It's a different story out West, it's continuing to be swamped with people of a different culture and values for what ever reason ,who have no intention of leaving behind their age old beliefs of family vendettas,that always seem to lead to extreme violence, hence this constant spate of shooting that seem to have no end.
But as I keep being reminded, it's all part of Multiculturalism and we question it at our peril.
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Re: Comedy Greats

Postby fredlk » Wed Jan 22, 2014 2:53 pm

Mike Judd wrote:MGV12 No things haven't improved out West , unless the fact that they seem to be shooting each other a bit more than bystanders is an improvement ? It's so strange that it doesn't seem to happen over here on the North Shore :?: :? They only come over to the beaches for a swim so they probably leave their guns behind. Plus the predominately decent inhabitants here of all nationalities (We do have some bad apples) just wouldn't allow it. It's a different story out West, it's continuing to be swamped with people of a different culture and values for what ever reason ,who have no intention of leaving behind their age old beliefs of family vendettas,that always seem to lead to extreme violence, hence this constant spate of shooting that seem to have no end.
But as I keep being reminded, it's all part of Multiculturalism and we question it at our peril.

Please do hijack only ONE topic at a time! And that means you.
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Re: Comedy Greats

Postby Mike Judd » Wed Jan 22, 2014 2:58 pm

Fedik,! You slipped that one in while I was writing , Billy is so bloody funny, I don't know where he gets it all from.?
I have a couple of his audio tapes from way back when he was considered to be outrageous for his time, about being in the Army /Parachute drops and Ivan the Terrible wrestling little Jock. Talk about hilarious, I will have to try and find them again.
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Re: Comedy Greats

Postby fredlk » Wed Jan 22, 2014 3:00 pm

"A bloke escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money, beer and guns and finds a young Australian couple in bed. He orders the bloke out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then goes into the bathroom.
While the man is in the bathroom, the husband tells the wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped inmate, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years... I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which the wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey, I love you too!!"
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Re: Comedy Greats

Postby fredlk » Wed Jan 22, 2014 3:02 pm

What do you call an ozzie with a sheep under one arm and a goat under the other?


























a bisexual
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Re: Comedy Greats

Postby Mike Judd » Wed Jan 22, 2014 3:04 pm

Fedik, Sorry about that , There doesn't seem to be much happening in the other posts (Building etc; ) So as and old Soldier , I won't die ,but quietly fade away.!
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Re: Comedy Greats

Postby fredlk » Wed Jan 22, 2014 3:04 pm

What do you call someone who speaks three languages?
"Multilingual".

What do you call someone who speaks two languages?
"Bilingual".

What do you call someone who speaks one language?
"An American".
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